It’s not the doctrine of marriage that needs our primary attention, It’s the doctrine of God. That’s why I keep asking the question – what kind of God? I won’t stop asking the question. I believe it is fundamental to what we seek and that by which we are drawn – the mystery of love – what this mystery of love is and why we fall into it.
A sequence of three events in the last three weeks has conspired to create turmoil in the Church of England resulting in a crisis that will be difficult to resolve. As a result of our contemporary inability to talk openly and honestly about the God we do and don’t believe in it may well be almost impossible to agree the appointment of a new Archbishop of Canterbury. The next Archbishop will need to have the most remarkable and combined gifts of courage, vision, prophecy, awareness and resolve.
At the moment I am very aware of how books have changed me and my relationship with myself, my sexuality, the Church of England, Christianity, and God, half-way though Diarmaid MacCulloch’s recently published Lower than the Angels; A History of Sex and Christianity. It was the phrase “the divine relationship, an audacious transformation” that unlocked the door to an idea I’ve been struggling to develop for several weeks.
How the heck do we get to the end of LLF? Something is required that is more than simply defusing the Sexuality Debate and the Anglican Culture War that we are living with. In my spiritual life, it became more and more obvious to me that I had to do the work myself, to work on myself. Resolving the Church of England’s conflicts over sexuality and gender is still going to take a long time because we are not sufficiently investing in ourselves and developing the conceptual, prophetic, visionary, emotional, theological and spiritual resources necessary for our mutual cosmic salvation.
This is a highly personal reflection from a prejudiced position. I’m looking for depth, reflection, contemporary awareness of theology, justice, intelligence, awareness, stillness, contemplation, beauty, goodness, love and wisdom. I have come to the conclusion that the Holy Spirit is failing to update the software and hardware operating systems of faith within the Church of England is supposed to operate and be inspired by.
In the period of my lifetime, I have witnessed a movement in church and society from reliance on interior to exterior authority. This movement has happened because of changes that have taken place that have increased human anxiety and insecurity at the same time as we have become more scientific, more aware, more person-centred, more able, potentially, to diagnose and heal physical and emotional disturbances to our bodies and psyches. Externalised authority and awareness has become dominant in the Christian Church today over and against our internal intuition and wisdom.
The mood, the environment, the culture of the Church of England in the decade from my teenage years (the nineteen sixties, by when I’d known I was gay for five years) to the nineteen nineties, was a good place in which to be gay. The whole of my being, my intuitive, experiential, feeling, creative, idealistic, introverted self, discovered that I was in a gay friendly environment despite that me also knowing that homosexuality was taboo and disapproved of by God. I now live in a spiritually depleted, hostile environment of endless battles, reports, reboots and ‘process’.
If the Church of England is unable to recognise God as manifested in the life of Jesus to be the presence of unconditional, infinite, intimate love in creation and evolution, a presence that all human beings are able to experience through the presence woven into creation of what Christianity identifies as the Holy Spirit, then the Church needs to reflect on what, from the Biblical witness to the life and teaching of Jesus in a twenty-first century understanding of reality, God might look like and where the Church has got God wrong.
Unless spiritually and mentally and conceptually we are drawn towards and become immersed in an open-minded, open-souled, open-hearted, unconditionally loving presence, the dream of God will not come to be. People will reject Christianity and walk away from the Church. They will find healing and truth wherever men and women recklessly, generously pour ointment on feet, where tears and love flow and the broken hearted are healed.
