Sixty years ago my church in South London, St Barnabas Southfields, was my second home, a congregation whose corporate life laid the foundations for my life. They exemplified for me the essence of God, of Jesus, of the Holy Spirit, not in a dogmatic, structured way but in a totally experiential, fully immersive way. I learnt from them the basics of what became for me the “Christian” way. They laid the foundations of my understanding of the church as the place where I was pretty much unconditionally valued and welcomed, introduced to new, radical ideas about God, given freedom to explore and experiment and to engage with the wisdom of wide diocese. It was a world of deep values open to adventure and new possibilities. The life of the congregation of St Barnabas and of Southwark diocese laid the foundations for my vision of God and my ministry as a priest. I knew what worked because St Barnabas had provided freedom and safe boundaries, room to experiment, a peer group, youth group, drama group, high church ritual theatre and curates with the latest liturgical and theological developments.

Events over the last two weeks in the Church of England have brought me close to despair. There is a gulf between my Christian experience sixty years ago in south London and what has become the Christian experience of the Church of England today.

Last week and this week

Last week representatives of sixteen progressive organisations met the new LLF lead bishops, +Helen-Ann Hartley and +Martyn Snow, and the new Programme Manager Nick Shepherd at Lambeth Palace Library. It was advertised as “an opportunity for them to update you on their approach to LLF going forward.” What the representatives were told was that

The archbishops had decided to postpone the implementation of stand alone prayers of blessing for same sex couples and the introduction of new pastoral guidance replacing "Issues in Human Sexuality".
A settlement with those who oppose this is now the priority.
A new raft of measures commending stand-alone prayers and new pastoral guidance allowing same sex clergy to marry will not be introduced until/unless some form of structural differentiation has been developed.

On the same day Dr Helen-Ann Hartley and the Rt Revd Martyn Snow as co-chairs of the LLF process, had co-written an article for the Church Times in which they argued for a “reset” of the process to allow for “reconciliation and bridge-building”.

Bishop Helen-Ann Hartley

This week Bishop Helen-Ann decided to step down from her LLF role. What had transpired in the last 48 hours had a critically negative impact on the work she and Bishop Martyn were seeking to do. She had serious concerns relating to the recent process of appointing an Interim Theological Advisor to the House of Bishops. She stepped down possibly because, as she wrote, she is fully committed to the full inclusion of LGBTQIA+ people in the Church - and full inclusion is not what is being advocated now.

Bishop Martyn Snow

Bishop Martyn then issued a statement as Co-Lead Bishop. He recognised that confidence and trust in the Living in Love and Faith process is low and indicated to the Archbishops that he was willing to continue in the role of Co-Lead Bishop subject to provisos:-

The Archbishops need to appoint a successor to Bishop Helen-Ann who will model an approach of people with differing views working together.
The Secretary-General will need to appoint a second Interim Theological Adviser to the House of Bishops so that there is a similar model of working together across difference.
The Faith and Order Commission must remain a diverse group which resources the House of Bishops through careful, rich and nuanced theological work.

The Archbishops of Canterbury and York

The Archbishops then issued a statement acknowledging Bishop Helen-Ann Hartley’s vision for moving forward more creatively (whatever that means). They claimed that the LLF process has encouraged us all to learn more deeply about our own identities, those of the people we love, our convictions and how we live well in the world. This has been complex and painful for many of us. They are dismayed that sometimes unjust and inappropriate personal attacks have taken place. The Archbishops are grateful to Bishop Helen-Ann and Bishop Martyn for their call for a change in tone, and their encouragement to reflect on how we all conduct ourselves in this conversation.

General Synod Gender and Sexuality Group

This week the Church Times reports that more than 130 members of the General Synod have signed a letter expressing their view that the proposal of a “reset” of the Living in Love and Faith process is unwise, and that talk of a “settlement” for those opposing the introduction of blessings for same-sex couples fails to honour decisions taken by the Synod.

In his statement, Bishop Martyn asked the Archbishops “to consider leading a time of prayerful reflection at General Synod which sets this whole process once again in the context of discernment about what sort of Church we are called to be in the coming years.”

Recent meetings of the General Synod have shown Synod to be utterly incapable of holding Archbishops, bishops, the Archbishops’ Council or anyone else to account for the gross failures in Safeguarding. A time of prayerful reflection might achieve something more - but I doubt it.

Today’s Church of England

The events of the past two weeks, the meeting of General Synod in November 2023, the conduct of the entire LLF process and the incompetence of the Church to respond to the victims of abuse and implement an effective Safeguarding system all demonstrate to me a Church that has none of the characteristics that communicated to me 60 years ago by practice and example what Christianity looks and feels like. Words were not needed – the culture of St Barnabas communicated the essence.

What today’s Church communicates is an institution so at odds with itself, so conflicted about what the essence of Christianity is as found in the Bible, that it has become repulsive, a destructive force for me.

The Archbishops would like to achieve a radical new Christian inclusion, good disagreement, creative forward movement, and an ability to conduct ourselves better.

I would like the Church to grant equality in ministry and relationship to LGBTQIA+ people, including equal marriage. I would like the Church to recover a culture of Christ-like presence and beauty, love and goodness. I would like the Church to recover a healthy culture as opposed to the contemporary culture of abuse and prejudice. I would like the Church of England to recover the most basic of Christian characteristics and virtues, something, miraculously, that the church and diocese communicated to me in earlier years.

I know there are places and people where the quality of lived, generous, deep, contemplative Christianity is still found and is still inspiring people, but at the end of this week I feel despondent and exhausted, stressed and in need of a long rest. I long for a miracle, for a competent meeting of Synod free from prejudice, homophobia and transphobia and the relentless hostile pursuit of LGBTQIA+ people.